I really need to make a friend

Hi,

I’m struggling so badly. I’m Michelle, 55, and live in Australia, but I’m finding it hard to find people in the same country as me. I do still love hearing from everyone and all different countries but, I would like to maybe have a friend from Australia too.

We are in spring now which I love, but the slightest warmth puts me in pain. Are there others who are like this also? I’m dreading summer as it gets very hot, and even though I have air conditioning and a fan, it doesn’t stop the burning. I have a servere case of EM. I also have raynards as well. I take painkillers, but it’s hit and miss with them. Is there anything that anyone does that helps to stop the burning or the pain? My doctor said I’ve tried all medications. I know we don’t have some meds you do in America and other countries. Is there a 24/7 company that I can call 24/7? Sometimes like now at 4:49 am I could call. It drives me crazy that sometimes the fan or air conditioning doesn’t. I’m needing to make friends who I can talk to regularly. Thank you again Kate . Oh. I find it hard to navigate the website on my iPhone, I don’t know if having a computer makes it easier or not. I’ve got to keep my feet up, so that’s why my phone is easier for me.

God bless,

Michelle

Hey @Michelle55 ,

My name is Merl, I’m a member of the modsupport team here on Ben’s Friends. I’m in rural SA, not too far from the Barossa. I have a little nasty growing in my head, which has required multiple neurosurgeries (6 so far) with more to come or so I’ve been told. Although I have not been diagnosed with EM, the surgeries have damaged my hypothalamus, the brain’s temperature regulation zone. This has sent my body’s temperature regulation for a spin and trying to regulate temperature fluctuations has been a huge part of my management regime. I too hate summer (and winter for that matter), the extremes of both seasons are just awful. I have what I call ‘My Goldilocks Zone’ ie not too hot, but not too cold, but just right. Trying to maintain that ‘Goldilocks Zone’ is not an easy thing.

Medications can be very “hit’n’miss”. Because, for each of us, our internal biology can play a big role in the interactions of some medications, trying to find what may benefit you individually can take a lot of trial and error. A medication that may work wonders for one person can be like eating a TicTac for another. For some people nerve pain medications can work wonders, for others the side effects of some of these meds can be worse than the symptoms they’re trying to manage. Others have reported benefits from a low dose tricyclic antidepressant, for others anti-seizure medications can modify electrical signalling reducing the frequency and duration of symptoms. There can be many variations not only in the types of medications, but also their dosages. So, don’t give up hope.

Sometimes, when it comes to rare conditions, our GP’s knowledge of these conditions can be somewhat limited. Here in Australia, we have GP’s, then we have physicians, then we have specialists. GP’s can be fairly good for your more common run-of-the-mill/normal conditions. If they can make a clear diagnosis they can refer you straight to a specialist, but when it comes to the rare conditions their knowledge can be somewhat lacking. This is where a physician can be useful. A physician’s role is more that of a medical investigator. They can send us for tests, scans and request medical reports, then collate all of the relevant information to come up with a more refined diagnosis and possibly a more refined treatment plan.

None of this is easy to navigate through and although some people make out that they know all about it, they don’t. We know this because we live it too, so come talk to us.

Merl from the Modsupport Team

Hi Merl,

I’m in Victoria. I’m 55 and going through hell.

Hey @Michelle55 ,

Other than your GP, have you seen any other medicos in regard to your EM?

You state that you’re in Victoria, are you rural or closer to Melbourne? I ask this as the metro areas have a broader range of specialisations available. An example of this is rheumatologists. In rural areas there are very few such specialists.

Merl from the Modsupport Team

Hi merl,

I live in rural area. What about you? Even if I were to see someone, there’s nothing they can do to stop it or to stop the pain or the burning.

Michelle

Hey Michelle,

I’m about an hour from the city, but it’s rural. When I moved out here there were no neighbours around, that’s changed a bit as the city spreads out and more people wanting the rural/city life move out this way. The local council have now said ‘No more subdivisions’ out this way, so hopefully no more building works. But then knowing councils/govt… they’ll change their minds again.

There are some newer medications that some people have had some good results with for treating ‘Nerve Pain’, but again some people have not had the same results, so it’s no ‘magic bullet’. When having multiple conditions often treating one can trigger the another and trying to find that balance can be extremely difficult. I’ve been hunting for what I call my ‘Key’ for years. Just when I think '“Yes, I’ve got this thing beat…” it throws me a curve ball from left field, that knocks me off my feet and I’m back a zero again. It can be a real rollercoaster some days.

Merl from the Modsupport Team

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Hi merl ,

My right foot is burning as we speak. It’s so painful. Today is a very hard day for me . I have no friends, I live alone . I have no one to talk to but my mum who’s not well. I don’t understand why God would give me this disease or why he would give anyone this disease??. I don’t know how I’m going to live the next 20 30 years like this? Now the warmer weather is making its way , I don’t know how to get through this excruciating pain from the heat. We need something to help us. I have no quality of life. I’m very severe with my EM . I’m so worried about the heat putting me in this excruciating pain. I don’t want to live like this. How do you get through the heat merl ?

Michelle

Hey Michelle,

Apologies for not responding sooner. I’ve been very symptomatic and the computer screen time doesn’t help sometimes.

I’m sorry to say it like this but there is no magical fix or treatment or cure. I say this because we all individuals and so are our individual triggers. What could have minimal impact on me could be a key trigger for another. For me, I know that the hypothalamus has been damaged, the management of which is difficult to pinpoint. Again, for me, I have a range of ‘tools’ such as medications of varying dosages and type, sleep, relaxation techniques, hydrotherapy, alternative therapies etc I can use to try and manage around it all, sometimes these tools are effective, sometimes they are not. Some medicos like to use the simplest theory or what I call the ‘A+B=C theory’ or Symptom (A) + Symptom (B) = Diagnosis (C). But for me that’s way too simple, for me it’s more like A+B-C/DxE√F….. And everyone of them is variable, so trying to equate all of that can be a huge challenge. I find that if I can look back and say “Well, yesterday I did x,y,z and burnt myself out in the process and I’m paying for it today…” I can be somewhat more accepting. I suppose I sort of bargain with myself, but I tend to get REALLY frustrated with myself when I can’t see a cause/reason. Or when my ‘tools’ are not effective. My home has refrigerated airconditioning and when it gets really hot, I hibernate inside. Before I got the ducted airconditioning, to try and keep myself cool I’d go to the local shopping centre. The problem I had there was all of the fluorescent lights the shopping centres use would often overwhelm me.

I ‘try’ to regulate everything I possibly can from my diet, my medications, my sleep, my activity, my light and noise exposure (both external ie the sun to artificial light ie TV/computer screens). It all has an impact for me. I have often compared this management like trying to juggle bowling balls. I just know I’m going to get smacked in the head by one of them.

There is also a management tool known as the ‘Spoon Theory’. In very basic terms, spoons are equivalent to energy and lets say I have 10spoons for the day. The process of getting up, having a shower, preparing breakfast uses 4 spoons, that leaves me 6 spoons for the rest of the day. If I don’t budget my spoons out carefully, by 12noon I can easily exhaust all of today’s spoons. Now, I could use some of tomorrow’s spoons, but in doing so I have less spoons for tomorrow. I could keep using the next day’s spoons, but come Friday I’m so exhausted, with no spoons left, I’m lucky to be able to even crawl out of bed. It really can be a balancing act sometimes.

Personally, I was brought up in the church and me and that bloke God aren’t on talking terms. I’d be cursing him rather than anything like praise.

Michelle, just know you are not alone on this journey and anybody who tells you it’s easy or simple has NEVER been in this position themselves. We know this because we live it too.

Merl

Hi merl ,

It’s ok, I understand.

How do you go having a shower? I find when I have a shower, I can’t have the water too hot, but even then, after I have a shower, not too long after, my feet start burning. I get scared every time I shower. I don’t want to end up in burning pain.

I know there’s no magic pill , but I live in hope .

Michelle

Hey Michelle,

I’m OK with the shower, in fact, I use the shower to warm myself up more evenly. For me it’s more the cold that affects me. Often the cold makes me sweat, making me even colder. I wake in the middle of the night saturated in sweat and shivering. I have to get up and dry myself with a towel. The sweat is making the woollen underlay on my bed break down underneath me. It’s just awful, trying to manage around it all and I never know just what today will throw at me.

Merl

Hi,

Oh gee. That’s not good. I hate it’s now warming up here as the pain is unbearable excruciating . Anything with warmth triggers. I’m also noticing certain foods trigger as well. I can’t stand long or walk far. I can no longer work or drive a car. I’m very lonely.

Michelle

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Yea, some people seem to have seasonal issues, where I can have temp issues all year round. I can no longer work, which I hate, but it means I can control my environment much easier. As I say I have ducted RC AC and in winter I have a wood burner/heater. I find the heat from the AC to be very dry, where the wood burner seems like a gentler heat.

I think that for those of us with rare conditions, the isolation can be chronic. In my former professional role, I taught people with disabilities independent living skills and would often need to investigate support services for my clients. Some hospital social work depts have networking programs for patients, to link up individuals going through similar situations. At one point I was linked into a ‘Pain Clinic’ via a hospital and they had regular get-togethers. It may be worth contacting your hospital social work dept to see what programs they may offer.

Merl

Please forgive me if I already replied. I have been on Amitriptyline and Lyrica for 3 years now. They help. I also now apply prescription strength (5%) Lidocaine Pads (one on each foot) before I go to bed. They are a pain to apply but they help the majority of the time. I also use 3 Vornado fans arrayed around the end of my bed. I used to wait to give my feet time to recover; but now I use the fans at the first moment that I know the lidocaine is not working. And my doctor (a few hours away) just gave me the name of three more meds to research. And we have two AC units; I keep the upstairs at 67 and my wife keeps the downstairs to 71 (she used to keep it at 73 but finally lowered to 71 so I can visit her during the day). During the winter I set the upstairs to 65.

I tried Spinal Cord Stimulation and it didn’t work for me. It might have worked but I only had a six day trial and I wasn’t going to commit to it based on the price. Gabapentin did wonders for my stroke symptoms but I can’t use it with the lyrica, so lyrica it is. Finally, compounded topical creams did nothing for me.

I am very sorry for your condition. Lower the temp in your house. Good luck and my prayers hope for anything that can help you.

Thank you kindly. I have tried all and none of them work for me. I find the cold puts me in pain too, but if I don’t have a fan on, then I get more pain. My feet become like in a vice. I can get that anyway sometimes. I can’t explain. I’m in Australia and it’s coming up to summer. The slightest warmth puts me in unbearable pain. Thank you for Sharing this with me.

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Not quite local to you, but I’m in Christchurch NZ, with a rather bad case of EM. I’m never not in pain. Fortunately, the medical profession here - I mean, all the specialists that I’ve seen at any time - are all familiar with EM. Grateful for at least that.

Hi Hugh,
You are like me, always in pain. What do you do ? It’s summer here, but I have trouble with the cold too. Thank you for answering my mail.

Michelle