.Someone has stolen my feet

General
1

Someone has stolen my feet,

They came like a thief in the night,

When I was sleeping soundly,

And couldn't put up a fight

They left me a substitute pair,

Not a bit like my trusty old friends.

It really was very unfair,

As the new ones are frayed at the ends.

And worst of all they hurt and burn,

And then begin to swell,

There's nothing to compare it with,

Except the fires of hell.

It robs me of my sleep,

And normal day to day living,

It's totally unpredictable,

And very unforgiving.

I cannot get my shoes on,

I have such nice shoes too,

My feet are much too painful,

Flip-flops now have to do.

I try to keep my tootsies cool,

And comfy as I can,

By using cold packs, tiled floors,

And my trusty night time fan.

Sometimes my feet look like they've been.

Put through a cross cut shredder,

With cracks and sores that just won't heal,

And skin that feels like leather.

I smooth on moisturiser,

And cover them with dressings,

Sometimes I really struggle,

To stop and count my blessings.

I went to see my doctor,

Hoping he could help me find,

A diagnostic answer, but

Although he was quite kind,

He said he hadn't got a clue,

What might be wrong with them,

So then I searched the internet,

And there I found....... EM!

Just knowing I was not alone,

Has helped me a great deal,

That others in this big wide world,

Are feeling how I feel.

But most are suffering more that me,

Which makes me feel so humble,

So I'll cease my 'poor me' diatribe,

And resolve no more to grumble.

2

Brilliant! :)

3

great job I wiil print this keep it close to my bed to read when I am feel hopeless

4

Tilly,

Just so you know, I have asked my little sister, who's a police officer, to see if there is any intelligence on a foot thief working in random areas. Perhaps we'll get our real feet back?

5

Ha ha,starsmurf,

Didn't you say that your prototypes for a machine to give sceptical doctors a taste of EM kept being taken by the police before you could complete them? Maybe your sister is working against us both in this case. For goodness sake, don't tell her I am nearing completion of my machine!! My shed is well padlocked and alarmed, just need to find a way to keep the boiling oil up to temperature whilst in transit and I'm nearly there.

I'll be prepared to forgive her if she can find where my feet are. I've not had a ransom note yet.

Tilly

starsmurf said:

Tilly,

Just so you know, I have asked my little sister, who's a police officer, to see if there is any intelligence on a foot thief working in random areas. Perhaps we'll get our real feet back?

6

They do, but unfortunately my little sister works in a different force, she's in Lothian and Borders Police and I'm in the Tayside Police area. I think it may have been the lightning rod and the fact that I was giggling madly that tipped the police off last time. I have since swapped to an underground lair, it's well guarded and the price is just helping a vigilante who dresses up as a bat every night...

7

Your sister could be in cahoots with your local force as they all share information by computer (just like us). Just as I won't tell my firefighter son what volatile mixtures I am creating for my device as he would be down with the foam and water, so you should keep your own counsel on your prototypes. One can never be too careful.

It's good we still have our sense of humour however warped it might be! Thanks for making me smile, which is what I hoped my little ode would do to anyone who read it.

starsmurf said:

They do, but unfortunately my little sister works in a different force, she's in Lothian and Borders Police and I'm in the Tayside Police area. I think it may have been the lightning rod and the fact that I was giggling madly that tipped the police off last time. I have since swapped to an underground lair, it's well guarded and the price is just helping a vigilante who dresses up as a bat every night...

8

Your little ode is brilliant. I showed it to my parents, they loved it. I think you end up with a warped sense of humour when you have something like EM because it's the only way to cope.

It's a family joke that I have to become a firefighter, as one sister is a police officer and another is a paramedic. At least I'd be used to feeling very hot...

My little sister knows nothing about the prototypes, it's a secret from my family, as I don't think my dad would approve of me plotting to torture his former collegues. In mitigation, I only plan to torture his nasty former collegues. I thought of your design with the boiling oil, but the razors and broken glass melted when I poured them in and I couldn't get my automatic system that fires thousands of acid tipped needles every second, to fire them through the oil. My design also has the advantage of leaving no trace, unless I use the needle gun.

I think I've found my next "volunteer" to test it. The Home Office is proposing to make it legal to take stray cats and dogs off the street and experiment on them. As my much loved moggie is missing, I will experiment on Theresa May and see if she changes her mind ;) (Please note: this is not a political statement, I hate anyone who wants to torture cats)

9

I've always had a slightly warped perspective on things I think. Also, most of the police, medics and fire fighters have to deal with some really depressing stuff so it's no wonder they sometimes resort to 'black humour' to get them through bad experiences.

So sorry to hear your pet is missing, My family has gone through the same thing. It's the not knowing where they are that is so hard. I can't remember the last time I saw a 'stray' dog. Dangerous ones with equally dangerous owners maybe. And most cats you see in the streets are not strays but someones pet. All cats like to walk their territory which usually means other peoples gardens. I don't like the fact that they kill birds but they are natural hunters.

I think politicians of all persuasions could do with some experimenting on their brains to see why they forget ,once they are in power, who actually pays their wages. Then renege on the promises they made to Joe Public when canvassing for our votes to get them into power. And the experiments wouldn't be painful as I have been told that where there is no sense there is no feeling. I'd best get off my soapbox 'cos I could go on for quite a while!!

As to the garden shed experiment, I will have to have a re-think on the boiling oil after your comment. How about a steaming hot kaolin poultice? We could stick the razor blades etc., into it and whilst not quite as hot as the oil would still give a pretty good idea of how EM feels. No, that won't work cos it would be too sticky for the needles to get through. Back to the drawing board!

Really hope your moggie turns up soon.

starsmurf said:

Your little ode is brilliant. I showed it to my parents, they loved it. I think you end up with a warped sense of humour when you have something like EM because it's the only way to cope.

It's a family joke that I have to become a firefighter, as one sister is a police officer and another is a paramedic. At least I'd be used to feeling very hot...

My little sister knows nothing about the prototypes, it's a secret from my family, as I don't think my dad would approve of me plotting to torture his former collegues. In mitigation, I only plan to torture his nasty former collegues. I thought of your design with the boiling oil, but the razors and broken glass melted when I poured them in and I couldn't get my automatic system that fires thousands of acid tipped needles every second, to fire them through the oil. My design also has the advantage of leaving no trace, unless I use the needle gun.

I think I've found my next "volunteer" to test it. The Home Office is proposing to make it legal to take stray cats and dogs off the street and experiment on them. As my much loved moggie is missing, I will experiment on Theresa May and see if she changes her mind ;) (Please note: this is not a political statement, I hate anyone who wants to torture cats)

10

Beautiful!