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Hi S,
I'm really sorry that you're feeling so sick and depressed. The negative emotions that you've been feeling as a result of discovering you probably have EM, along with crying, actually makes the pain worse, so hopefully the pain will reduce soon.
It's awful that you can't access healthcare and get a formal diagnosis and start treatment, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this on your own. Your description of your symptoms certainly sound like EM. However, EM is not always a progressive condition, some people stay the same, some people have times where the pain gets much better or even disappears.
I understand how awful it is for you to have everything taken away and to feel alone in the dark. I've also lost contact with my friends, as their lives are so different to mine. What am I supposed to reply when I get one of those emails at Christmas that sum up what's happened to them in the last year? While they've got married, bought a house and been promoted at work, I've had to stay in bed, talked to my cat and looked at the wall. Like you, I often feel that a lot of who I am has been taken away.
With all the things you have to cope with, it's not surprising that you feel so lonely and hopeless. After all the things you've had to sacrifice with your other diseases, to have EM come along must make you feel cheated. I remember how awful I felt when I was told that I had yet another disease, you just feel like life has knocked you flat. There are times that I feel so angry at life, so bitter that I've had to have all these health problems and suffer so much, when people who were deeply unpleasant and cruel to me have a wonderful life. Like you, I often feel that it's very unfair. While there are those who are suffering more than you are, and there are diseases that are worse than EM, that doesn't make your sufferings any less or make them easier to cope with. People who have other diseases often get the support and care that is lacking in your case.
I'm sorry that your family are being so unsupportive. To have those closest to you dismiss your suffering as "stress", or "all in your head" must be devestating. At least you do have someone to talk to now. We all understand and we won't dismiss how awful things are for you. We're all here to support each other, so please "talk" whenever you need to. We are also a source of friendship, so that you can have some of the social contact that you've been lacking up to now.
starsmurf